I wish I wasnt here.

As Van Morrison's smokey voiced blues plays in the backround, I sit here thinking....what would it be like if I werent in my situation? My life sucks right now to be honest. I feel like I live in a house ruled by a communist leader and there is nothing I can do but stand by and put that painful smile on my face. Endure the lashing and move on. What would it be like if I left? Would I survive? I am sure I would. I am a strong person after all. But would my life go in the direction I want it to? Or do I need them for that? I cant happen to wonder if it would be better or worse. Oh what it would feel like to be free. I cant be restrained...my soul needs to be free. This is why I have a hard time settling down anywhere. Like my mother, I dont like to be told what to do. God I would listen and change if they didnt do it in such a harsh, repetitive way. I will win one day, and when that day comes, it is then that my soul will settle down.